Faded Away

September Sixteenth Two Thousand Twelve

I noticed today that the word "Love" had finally been completely washed off both of my wrists. The only thing left is my stamp from a marching band competition on my right wrist. Even though the word "Love" has faded away, my love for those who are suicidal or committed suicide is still there. It is like those who cuts. The wounds may have gone away, but the scars are still there.

Anyway, my own suicide voices were talking to me this week. Instead of going away, they turned into nervousness as I preformed at my first marching band competition. I let those nerves get the best of me, and I had a bad performance.  After performing, the voices came back, the tears were about to stream, and you could tell the weakness in my voice. I pulled myself together for the rest of night and shoved it away till now. Now, the voices are back. Maybe now, I could give up. But God has decided today is not my day. I am still needed here. God decided to let me go to school tomorrow and stay strong for all of my silent followers. Maybe tomorrow, the voices will shut up because I want to live till Saturday to get my much needed adrenaline rush from performing my best show because it did not happen this weekend. For now, just remember, the people who want you alive and why they need you in their life. Do not choose today to die. You will make it through this. But if your voices are overpowering call 911 before you attempt anything. Because I want you to live.

Representing Suicide Awareness Day

I rocked it today in yellow and orange. Although my top is only pictured, my shorts that I wore are yellow and orange. In the picture, my hair is an absolute mess, and it is taken from a weird angle, but that is little quirks that make it special. Quirks that make me special. Some girls would freak out if their hair looked like that in a picture that was going online. Perfection is not necessary neither is photoshop. Do put yourself down because the girls on Facebook are so much prettier, or that model has a dream body. They are more then likely ran through photo editing before being published.

I wrote the word "Love" on both of my wrists.

This is the tag I wore on my yellow shirt 

all day to represent the butterfly project.

September Tenth Two Thousand Twelve 

Suicide Awareness Pride

Stay Strong

The First Step: Acceptence

September Tenth Two Thousand Twelve

Today is National Suicide Awareness Day. Today is also the day I am starting this blog. In my short sixteen years of life here on Earth, I have dealt a lot with this subject. When I was little, I watched my sister try to overdose on pills in attempts of ending it. It was not until years later I realized why she had taken more then the average dose of pills. When having a conversation with my best friend that lives six hours away last year, I recognized the signs of suicide. I reported them the next day, only to be told I was crazy and psychotic by my own guidance department at school. They did agree to help me get him help even if they did not believe me. I found out a couple months later that he was hospitalized after I acted because I was right. My guidance department at school still do not want to admit they were wrong or apologize to me. Later on last year, my friend told me how she almost took her life that morning. Lately, I have found myself in a suicidal state which I have accepted, and I am on my way with my own recovery. And just yesterday, I found out another friend is suicidal and there is no way I can help this one. It is hard, but maybe this blog will help people realize their is a life worth living.