Sunday, October 28, 2012

Time

October Twenty Eight Two Thousand Twelve

It has been a couple weeks since I wrote a post, and I just took the time to read my last post. It is bothering me that I can't remember who gave me that hug because that hug meant a lot to me. I want to say it was someone from band, but I know it was not. I know for a fact it was a guy who gave it to me, but I cannot remember who... Ugh. This is going to bug me now.

Anyway, I remember why I do so many things that ultimately stress me out. I do them because they use up my time. And when my time is occupied, I do not have time to think about ending it. I think about killing myself the most when I have free time. A lot of this happens when insomnia has set in, and I am in my bed just thinking. Sometimes my brain just refuses to shut off and cool down, so I can go to sleep. My brain ends up over run with these thoughts which triggers me to go back into my own little imaginary world. The place where I feel safe because it so far away from reality. Oh if only people from the real world could enter my world then I would not be so isolated.

Here are a few moments from the real world these past few weeks that I have experienced(Feel free to skip. This is more for me.):
-On Friday October 19, I was walking to lunch with my bestest friend/math buddy, James. To get to the cafeteria from anywhere in our school you must go down steps. I was wearing heels and a skirt(I was dressed up for band, a weekly requirement to show our pride), and I fell down the steps. James ran over to me and wrapped his arms around to make sure I was okay. I was at that moment, but five minutes later(when the adrenaline wore off) I realized I could not support my weight on my left ankle. I did some damage to my ankle, but I am okay now.
-I went to the football game of the century in the terms of high school football. It gave me hope. #Comet Nation
-We lost the football game of the century and are now 8-1, but I don't care. I still love the kids who are on the team. They make me smile.
-I am now convinced Paranormal Activity 1 is not scary. The first time I watched ever was the other week, I fell asleep ten minutes in. I tried watching again the other night made it through more, but I still fell asleep.
-I have found a new love in writing Fanfictions.
-I get to emotionally attached to television shows and books.
-My grandmother was hospitalized for kidney failure. It scared me, but she is stable for now.
-I got into an argument with my friends at school if there was a Bear on Sesame Street. I won. There is in fact a bear family on Sesame Street. I know my Sesame Street.
- "I will write you all passes for fourth block if you stay and watch the video of this marching band make the horse." Mr. Staub, Third Block, Honors Math Anaylsis.(Made my day right there)
-Reading MacBeth in my British Lit class. Makes me feel less crazy. Oh how I love my Brit Lit class.
-Mr. Staub reminded me I need help in math, yet I still do not want to get it. #Determined to do this on my own.
- Mock Trial and Science Fair started #Good Memories
-I went to Hershey Park with my second family.
-Passed my driving lessons and got my AAA membership. Woot!

Okay reliving memories over. Sometimes writing them down makes me feel better. I hope you all survive Hurricane Sandy because I know my area is going to get hit hard. I live on the East Coast(Pennsylvania to be exact).

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